STUCK ON REPEAT

Life seams to be a bustle of emotion and tasks. People wake up each day, get dressed, drink their coffee, drive to work, either have a "great" day based on the emotions and actions of those around them or a "mood wrecking" day also dependent on how others days are playing out, and how their days play out depends on yet others days and emotions. When does the cycle end? With Jesus.

My coffee spilling, dropped appointments, undependable printers, snow that prolongs the time I spend scraping off my car all are potential day and or mood wreckers if I do not meet with JESUS. I become utterly aware of my own weakness and selfishness when Jesus is not in the picture. His spirit in me enables my life and the everyday "oopses" to become a beautiful adventure. I am obsessed with the realization that Jesus changes everything. My journal, prayers, and even this blog all evidently show this obsession. I simply can't get over it though; it is magical and mysterious and incomprehensible to me.  My salvation, my strength, my ability to be good and selfless are all dependent on one thing. My willingness to lay my life down for the one who died for me. Through his death I received life, through his love I am able to love the unlovable, and only through by looking at his grace can I forgive those whom have committed offences against me. How can one being infect my soul in such a way? There is only one answer; HE is God, He is all powerful, all loving, all knowing, all good, all merciful, full of grace, with love abounding and he has chosen me. Chosen me to be his child. He calls me out of the miry clay, the sin that so easily entangles me and places my feet on solid ground.

I have been realizing more and more my dependency on being perfect. I heap expectation on myself to forgo my need for Jesus; don't spill the coffee, be okay when people cancel on you, give and never take and the list goes on. I want to be able to be good enough. Then Jesus comes and says let go of it all, stop and just watch me. As I relinquish the perfection I chase after I am WRECKED by God's love. His love tastes so good that my failures no longer have any weight. He is the only thing worth anything.

As I have been preparing for the coming DTS that I am staffing it is easy for me to want to walk back into that comfortable place of perfection. The problem is that failure to be perfect is around every corner. Daily God reminds me that his desire is for obedience and intimacy. He calls me to be daughter to the king of kings first and foremost. I feel like a record stuck on repeat. My message to myself and anyone who cares to listen seams to be stuck on this truth. But maybe just maybe if I continue to preach it, we will get it, I will get it.