I officially have been accepted to be on staff with Youth With a Mission Montana. I will be returning to the YWAM base this September to start a two year commitment in the DTS department. I am so excited to join the other staff members as they strive to know God and make him known to students and the nations. This is a scary step that leaves me feeling as though I may fall but I want to trust that if I lean hard enough on Jesus I will be forced to move when he moves. I know that syncing my heart and actions to Jesus' will allow me to see his love, salvation, and peace brought to this broken world. That is what drives me to take this step. Jesus is worth it. The bible tells us to love God and love one-another and for the time being I feel as though God has led me to live that out by serving in YWAM. I am so far from knowing God fully and yet the small piece of Him I have tasted drives me to desire, no need more of him. He has changed my life and I want nothing more than to be a tool He can use to transform others. I know he does not need me to be able to move in hearts but it thrills my soul to know he desires to use me.
Although YWAM is a fairly well know international ministry all staff are required to raise their own monthly support; I am no exception. I know nothing is to big for God but some how this still seams like a huge bolder in my path that I have to figure out how to climb over. I like to think I have to do it on my own but I can just picture God sitting there just waiting for me to stop flailing, turn around, and simply say, "Father, help, I am to weak." When I choose to do so not only does he help but also uses the opportunity to teach me some huge lessons in trust.
It is easy to believe for someone else that God will provide but when it comes to myself I seam to forget that truth. Someone told me a little quote that goes like this, "God loves to pay the bill for his will." I easily believe this truth for others but my faith falls short when applying it to my own life. God has used this time in my life to smack me over the head and tell me to trust him. I have been praying for God's provision and have seen him begin to provide. (To be honest I broke down crying when some family friends told me they wanted to be part of my ministry through monthly support.) It became so real to me that God truly meant that he would provide for ME! I am not the exception to the rule of God's faithfulness but a story of proof. God is as faithful in Billy Grahams life as he is in mine and yours.
There is a song that came on while I was writing this it is called "Nothing I Hold Onto" by Will Reagan. Here are the lyrics:
I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven
I give it all to You God
trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me
There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open
This is what we must all choose to live like. I cant hold onto fear of anything. God's love is the absent of fear and if my desire is to know him I must choose to trust. I know this next chapter in my life will bring trials, fears, anxiety, probably financial burden at times but i would rather fling my arms wide open in total abandon trusting that God will use my life for something beautiful than to be "safe" and living in control of my life. Every bolder that falls in my path is just another part of the mountain that I am climbing. When I hold onto Jesus alone I will make it to my ultimate destination.
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