"It is finally starting to hit me that this next chapter is truly beginning. I packed my first box today in preparation for moving onto the YWAM base: a somewhat bittersweet experience. I am so excited to go and start working at YWAM but grasping onto this new thing also means letting go of some old things. Growth pains are beginning and although they can be painful it feels good to know that things are moving along the way God intends them to."
This is a snip-it from an email I sent out this past week, after reading over it again I realized how well it sums up these past weeks. I leave for the YWAM base in exactly a week from today and excitement is beginning to rise; with this excitement, and the boxes that begin to stack up in my room, also comes a huge realization.
God has blessed me with a family who encourages me, makes me laugh consistently, and is always a safe haven. I love our home and the relationships that are built under its roof. I am so excited to go and start this new chapter but my realization is that it means growing up. Just like growing pains I can feel that my spiritual growth and worldly standard of adulthood are in the process of rapidly changing. For that growth to happen there is also a certain level of ache that comes. The ache I feel is not that of my bones growing but that of letting go of the past. A lesson that God began in me during my DTS was that of letting go. This is one more step in the right direction to be able to let go of the need to control my life. Instead I must wait with open hands for Jesus to place something out of this world in them. Moving out means letting go of a home that I love dearly. I am excited for this change but must learn the meaning of accepting Jesus peace everyday. It is easy for me to get caught up in anxieties that growing up brings but nothing peeks my curiosity more than to realize that life begins when I let go. Discovering all of the adventures God has for my life is something that no anxiety will hold back from me. He is good, and He withholds no good things from those who love Him. THIS is a truth I am still working on. I love him. He has good things planned. Simple as that.
As everything has been falling into place to go on staff I have gotten a small glimpse of the way God uses EVERYTHING to speak to his children and to gain their trust so that they might actually let go of control. Summer jobs, bosses, family, friendships, sun, rain, coffee and finances have been a few tools he has used to work on me.
In my last post I talked about trusting God with my finances to go on staff. Well, God has provided. A week ago I sat on my bed with my calendar in front of me. The fourteen days that were left until the day I am suppose to move stared back at me in a very intimidating way. My heart sank realizing that I only had half of the monthly support I needed. As I breathed out a sigh a released a small prayer, "God, are you going to provide?" He responded with a simple, "Are you going to be patient?" As I closed my calender my phone rang. As I answered a familiar voice came through the earpiece. I smiled as we talked and then came the tears. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The person on the other end of the phone was telling me they were going to support me and the amount they wanted to give would only leave me with a very small portion still needed. Amazing provision. A few hours later, I was in town running errands when my mom called me telling me that I had received a letter in the mail containing an offering that would complete my monthly support for all two years on staff....
What do I say. There are no words to describe how I feel but, blessed and so loved by a God that is far beyond anything that I can understand. This God is the reason growing pains are worth it; being closer to Him fades any anxiety this world can throw at those who love him. Will you choose to love him? He loves you regardless.